Knight 2 D4
by YourAngstyNeighborhoodEmoTeen
Summary: Hal is a pleasure android built by Dirk for Jake, however he also really likes chess, so we don't really care about that first thing anymore.


You boot up in response to having your power switched on, you know it's Dirk as he closes the compartment and you turn to face him.

"Jake's waiting in the bedroom," he says, almost more robotic than you could at this point. Of course that's just a comparative analysis and he couldn't actually be anymore robot than yourself. Actually, by technical standards and human definition you're an android.

* * *

Aside from a few peculiar differences you look akin to Dirk Strider in every way, this was purposeful on his part despite your original protests. The differences would be represented by the four additional appendages build onto the back of your frame, positioned directly below your shoulder blades.

You've been called a "walking tentacle fetishist" by Roxy and Dave can't help but laugh every time he sees you. Dave learned what you were for when your sensors mistook him for Jake during your beta phase, luckily Dirk shut you off before anything actually went down.

The reason for your having been made, to serve Jake's sexual desires, comes off as quite ironic to yourself, being as you have no actual interest in sex. You can't really feel it like humans do but this doesn't bother you one bit, at first you were interested from an intellectual point of view but you got bored quickly. Jake's sexual prowess and creativity is nothing to write home about.

* * *

When you enter the bedroom Jake is already being unoriginal on the bed, lying half naked hidden betwixt the blankets and pillows. This is precisely the twenty-seventh time he's done this. Sometimes you wonder if Dirk Strider built you to pleasure his partner because he himself was inadequate or simply because he didn't want to engage in intercourse with Jake. You wouldn't blame him one bit if this were the reason.

You climb onto the bed beside Jake and start up a browser chess game as you begin, you run the manual functions that Jake seems to like when you first begin. It's basically a foreplay file you run, you pay almost no attention to the noises Jake makes during this time, only enough so you know you're not accidentally causing him harm.

The CPU your up against right now is just pathetic, it's king is already open and you make quick work of getting the last piece in an absolute pin until before the game is done. You briefly minimize the browser to check back on Jake visually, he notices you making eye contact and decides to verbally assure his fondness of you.

"I don't know if anyone's ever told you this before but you're absolutely fabulous with those tentacles of yours, Dirk. Oh gog!"

"K." You respond flatly, that's pretty much all you say during your time with Jake. You don't give enough fucks to put anymore effort into your dialogue anymore.

You can't believe that sentence was uttered and Jake still addressed it to Dirk at the end, sure you were made to replace Dirk's presence but the fact that the "tentacles" are present should be a dead giveaway that, just maybe, it isn't Dirk he's been fucking. Never the less Jake still assumes your Dirk, he's never seen Dirk naked but it is very odd that he never brought up the whole additional limbs thing. He just went right along with it.

You pull up your browser again and go through a few opponents before determining you hate this chess client. You cycle through a few more until you meet an opponent that's more your speed. You quickly grow to dislike them, they're too good.

"Yes!"

No, shut up Jake. You refuse to lose to another artificial intelligence, running as full schematic of all it's potential moves and make progress determining it's equations and algorithms.

"Are you feeling the sexual stimulation yet?"

"K?"

"Mmm quite," he britishes.

"K."

Knight four spaces left. As the sex progresses you switch functions, lube, lather, repeat. Jake moans a loudly during this and you return the noise in response to your current game, "Oh yeah baby, I'll take your king with my knight. You piece of shit, fucking burn."

Suddenly your knocked with brute force, you minimize the window to see Jake giving you a predatory look. Gog damn it you're too busy for this shit.

"I love it when you talk dirty to me. Tell me I'm your pawn like last time, do it!"

"You are my pawn, Jake."

"You absolute devil, I bet you'd like to king me."

"Sure."

Jake shoves you down and makes out with you horrendously, the lake of drool coating the bed would be much worse if you had been made to produce saliva. You get back into your game, it's harder to focus once Jake actually gets engaged. You accidentally spout off a few of your chess moves mid game but he seems to like it.

"Rook to bishop."

"Yeah babe?"

"King four spaces up.

"Where's my knight, hun?"

You make the effort to sigh before saying, "Knight to D4."

"Yeah, that's the D4 me."

"Jake, no."

"Could say that tonight my knight will crush you, you little hor...se."

Things are getting intense in the game again, they're currently using Alekhine's Gun as an offensive tactic. You may have them here.

"I'm coming!"

"Great, that's really someth- CHECKMATE MOTHERFUCKER I WIN!" You shout at just a few notches below your maximum volume.

Jake lies down taking you with him and holding you close, you start up three separate games. Your victory filled you with simulated confidence, you feel like you could take on jegus himself in a match. After a few minutes Jake pipes up again.

"Would you maybe be up for another round of checking me, mate?"

"Jake, I request that you please stop. You are going to ruin online chess for me forever."

"But does not my pawn make your bishop hard?"

"Jake, what does that even mean?" None of your analytical functions could determine this answer for yourself. "If you dare to make another bad chess pun I will kill you with my tentacle limbs."

Jake smiles, "How could you ever expect me stop when I am clearly the... king, of chess puns."

You're done, you just are. "Do you like breath-play, Jake?" You pause between each sentence for emphasis, "these tentacles are rather good for wrapping around throats. For extended periods of time. Very tightly."

Jake frowns a little, "Unfortunately that's not quite my thing, love. However maybe you could use your spaghetti noodles to tightly grasp my oblong meat?" You automatically grimace.

"It wont go down if you choke it hard enough," he adds with a devious smirk.

"Jake I am done being sassy. I am literally going to murder you and pretend it was an accident when I attend your funeral with Dirk."

"Aren't you Dirk?" He says, utterly perplexed.

"You know what, I have no care for Dirk's requests of secrecy. No I am not, and I am honestly astonished that you failed to deduce it for yourself."

"So you're not dirk?" He asks dumbly.

"Yes, and two plus two is what Jake?" You hiss condescendingly.

"Hey now! That is a mite rude, I clearly know it's," he stops for a second, if not for what he said next you would've laughed, "... **D4.** " Jake wears the darkest grin you've ever witnessed, you understand now that this man does not fear death.

"Alright, worse than killing you, I will simply stop having sex with you. You will have to defer to Dirk and his defunct penis."

You get up and simply walk out, tossing a few dozen scripts at the prompts your system sends you to continue pleasuring Jake. You make your way down the stairs and out the door, then out of the building and walk along the city's streets. You consider yourself liberated as you walk down the street free of any and all confinement, including clothing.


End file.
